Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
