I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
