pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
