You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
