Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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