you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
