I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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