One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
