I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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