I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
