I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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