I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize