final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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