We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
