That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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