who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
