Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
