My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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