you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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