everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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