Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
