I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and she was petting her beer can
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
