That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize