I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
