why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
