Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
