i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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