I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize