how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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