I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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