I hate your face
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
