I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
