You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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