I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
