I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
