I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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