you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
