I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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