I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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