just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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