He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize