i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
