Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
