This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize