Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
