You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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