omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
