I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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