Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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