I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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