Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i've created a new STD.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
