i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
