I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
