I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
