so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
