my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am available for nakedness
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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