hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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