Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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