umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
