my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
