i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
