I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
