recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
