Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
