She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
