Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
